Everyone has passing intrusive thoughts that seem to come from outside their control: the content may feel alien, absurd, or threatening, and they pass after a few weird moments. Intrusive thoughts can be frightening thoughts about what might happen to you or someone you care about, or what mistake you might make or what terrible impulsive act you might possibly commit.
For some people, intrusive thoughts are part and parcel of panic or intense anxiety. In this type of intrusive thoughts, it feels like they are a result of or about the anxiety itself, and they function to add more fear to the anxiety you are already experiencing. The intrusive thoughts keep the anxiety going, and maintain the fear-producing spiral. So, for example, you might think, “what if I have a heart attack?” in the midst of an anxiety attack. Or you might envision yourself knocking people over as you rush to exit the room.
However, there is another class of intrusive thoughts that we call unwanted intrusive thoughts. These are stuck thoughts that cause great distress. They seem to come from out of nowhere, arrive with a distressing whoosh, and trigger anxiety, guilt, disgust, panic or misery. The content of unwanted intrusive thoughts often focuses on sexual or violent or socially unacceptable images. Here are typical examples of intrusive obsessive thoughts: Killing someone. Torturing a pet. Stabbing or molesting a child. Throwing someone (or yourself) out of a window or in front of a train. Raping someone. Taking off your clothes in public. Grabbing a stranger’s hand. Some refer to sudden doubts like “ Did I hurt someone or make a bad mistake and not realize it? What if I am not who I seem?” This is not a complete list, but it gives you a good feeling of the content of these thoughts.
People who experience unwanted intrusive thoughts become afraid that they might commit the acts they picture in their mind. They also fear that the thoughts mean something terrible about them. Many are ashamed and worried about them, and therefore keep them secret.
Many unwanted intrusive thoughts have a much more benign content, consisting of repetitive doubts about relationships, decisions small and large, sexual orientation or identity, intrusions of thoughts about safety, religion, death or worries about questions that cannot be answered with certainty.
There are many myths about unwanted intrusive thoughts. One of the most distressing is that having such thoughts mean that you unconsciously want to do the things that come into your mind. This is simply not true, and, in fact, the opposite is true. It is the effort people use to fight the thought that makes it stick and fuels its return. People fight these particular thoughts because the content seems alien, unacceptable, and at odds with who they are. So, people with violent unwanted intrusive thoughts are gentle people. People who have unwanted intrusive thoughts about suicide love life. And those who have thoughts of yelling blasphemies in church value their religious life.
A second myth is that every thought we have is worth examining. In truth, these thoughts are not messages, red flags, signals or warnings–despite how they feel.
The problem for people who have these thoughts–and one estimate is that more than 6 million people in the United States are troubled by them–is that unwanted intrusive thoughts feel so threatening. That is because anxious thinking takes over, and the thought—as abhorrent as it might be—seems to have power it does not. People tend to try desperately and urgently to get rid of the thoughts, which, paradoxically, fuels their intensity. The harder they try to suppress or distract or substitute thoughts, the stickier the thought becomes.
People who are bothered by intrusive thoughts need to learn a new relationship to these sticky thoughts–that their content is irrelevant and unimportant. Virtually everyone has occasional weird, bizarre, socially improper, annoying and violent thoughts. Our brains sometimes create junk thoughts, and these thoughts are just part of the flotsam and jetsam of our stream of consciousness. Junk thoughts are meaningless. If you don’t take them seriously or get involved with them, they dissipate and get washed away in the flow of consciousness.
In reality, a thought—even a very scary thought—is not an impulse. People with unwanted intrusive thoughts don’t have a problem with impulse control: on the contrary, their problem is one of over control! They are trying to control their thoughts! And we all know what happens when you try not to think of pink elephants…. However, sufferers get bluffed by their anxiety, and become desperate for reassurance which only works temporarily: people can become reassurance junkies. The only way to effectively deal with unwanted intrusive thoughts is by reducing one’s sensitivity to them. Not by being reassured that it won’t happen or is not true, but by rising above them.
Unwanted intrusive thoughts are reinforced by getting entangled with them, worrying about them, struggling against them, trying to reason them away. They are also made stronger by trying to avoid them. Leave the thoughts alone, treat them as if they are not even interesting, and they will eventually fade into the background.
Here are the steps for changing your attitude and overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts
Try Not To:
This approach can be difficult to apply. But for anyone who keeps applying it for just a few weeks, there is an excellent chance that they will see a decrease in the frequency and intensity of their unwanted intrusive thoughts.
This content was originally published here.